Let’s talk relationship advice and my current rambling thoughts.
You may be sitting there wondering why on earth I would even attempt to comment on this topic. I mean, lets face it, I had a starter husband. Then I got another lined up as replacement, but that didn’t work out either. I don’t just have a dismal batting average, I’m in the dirt folks! But, a lot can be learned from observation. More importantly, a lot can be learned from having no scruples and giving anything and everything a shot.
Of course, there is another reason this topic is on my mind. Facebook. It’s the devil . . . but I can’t look away. Recently a woman posted anonymously (OP – Original Poster) within a local parents Facebook group that she has been cheating on her spouse with a fellow sports parent (who is also married). Our lovely group than launched into quite the colorful conversation that has reach epic numbers of participation, gained some of the funniest meme’s I’ve ever seen, and broached the subject of compassion vs. disgust. Obviously, I fell somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I mean, I still don’t understand why the post was made. It was roughly 17 lines of expressing guilt, lust, shame, destiny, and embarrassment. Nery a question was asked.
Moving on, this post got me thinking. What is it that we all want? I would love to stumble upon the perfect man, a dream job, a mansion, and a yacht, but I don’t see any of that happening! I feel as though my time on match, eHarmony, plenty of fish, speed dating, tinder (I clearly misunderstood the sole purpose of that situation), newspaper personals, AOL, yahoo chats, myspace, Xanga, and the wonderful Facebook have afforded me expert status. While that probably isn’t remotely true, we are just going to pretend it is for the next several minutes. Deal? Great.
I can’t sit here and say, “shame on you”. I also am not able to sit here and say “well, mistakes happen, just be careful”. I find both of those to be the exact opposite of who I am. What I can say is that we are surrounded by struggling, broken, and failed relationships. I continue to be astounded at the rate and number of divorces in our current culture. I am one of those, and I am not ashamed. What this entire subject has done is make me contemplate how I approach relationships that are broken by infidelity. I found it quite easy to laugh and make jokes at the above OP. Possibly because I have no idea who it is, or even more possible because jokes and laughing are two of my favorite past times. But at the expense of who?
A commenter made a very valid point in saying “I wonder if the OP is watching this and what they are feeling/experiencing from all the comments”. Hmm . . . well, I doubt she’s feeling any better.
That leads me to the overall question or quandary. How do we respond when someone’s actions threaten a relationship? Do we pick sides? To the naked eye it seems there is a clear divide. But what do we REALLY know? Honestly, we don’t know anything. All my experience and failed attempts haven’t taught me anything worthy of be a productive part of the conversation. Even those who have been married for 40 years may not have the answers. You know who does? The 4 adults that are involved and ultimately need to make the decisions.
In the end, I don’t need to fall on either side of compassion or disgust. Its not my business. While it’s been fun and I certainly didn’t help the situation, it brought me to a very significant crossroads. I love Facebook. I love it for the connections, the ability to keep in touch with friends and family all around the world, and because I get to be me 100% of the time. I get to be me, even when I realize after the fact that “me” is in the wrong.
I post personal struggles in part because I strive to live an authentic life. I utilize social media to be transparent and to be held accountable. I do not use Facebook to air dirty laundry, launch wars with others, or feed the gossip mill. Those are never my intentions. I understand that we all react differently, and this post certainly touched some significant parts of my purpose and reasoning within social media, relationships, and just in general, humanity.
Initially, the post that led me to this blog entry was nothing more than a joke and a few people that seriously needed to get their wits together. Strangely, it is transformed into an introspective look at the little ways we judge others. What are we looking for? To not be judged.