Frozen in Time

Do you ever look at a picture and ache for the “you” you were at that moment?  I’ve been going through it lately.  “It” being a restructuring of my beliefs, on all fronts, and aligning or comparing them with the world that we live in.  At the same time, I’ve been redecorating my home office and hanging pictures that remind me of the amazing life I’ve lived and have yet to live. 

Think of who you were at different ages. How would you respond to today’s issues if you were that age now?

Maybe that first question doesn’t apply to you.  But what if the question were “do you ever think about your old self?” Maybe at 25, or just a decade ago?  That is an element of my latest reflections.  Now that I’ve spent roughly 90 seconds speaking in some dark and dismal code . . . I’ll get to my point.  This world, right now – today, SUCKS!

I came across a picture of myself and a former significant other.  The joy and laughter in that photo absolutely melts my heart.  Like, seriously, it’s a moment in time when things weren’t great, but on that day our joy was evident.  If I knew or had my eyes fully open at that moment, would I have had that level of joy?

Some of you may know, but if not, I have an extreme obsession with Rachel Maddow.  I think she is amazing.  Her journalistic vibe is catchy; she’s funny; super smart; and she’s a stone-cold dork.  She is my kinda people.  Recently I’ve been reading her new book, “Blowout”.  My mind is blown.  I find it absolutely ridiculous that I have lived in a world and time where corruption has been so evident, and I didn’t care.  I’m 40 and didn’t care until I was 37!  I take full responsibility for that.  I’ve lived in ignorant bliss.  But, in the words of my hilarious 4-year-old granddaughter, HOLY JUACAMOLE!

My workspace. Countless hours of research and trying to figure out what in the heck is going on in this world happen in this room.

My recent submersion in all things political has left me with a significant number of quandaries.  So many that, with great frustration, I just feel like there is no hope.   That, as Americans, we are led by a man that is so disgusting, rude, belligerent, volatile, and dismissive of anything that is reality breaks my heart.  I did not realize how patriotic I am until that very patriotism became under attack.  I deem myself an activist.  However, now, I see all the problems and am frozen by the enormity of the actions required to even remotely make a difference.

I don’t dare list the issues that plague my heart and mind.  There isn’t enough time and I will likely rant forever.  But we are working on some podcast episodes that will highlight current issues and discussion from multiple perspectives.  Additionally, I’m hopeful in the possibility of launching a new radio show that will air in Milwaukee and be available to stream online!  It’s always been a dream of mine to be on the radio so that’s a big deal!

To wrap it all up I’ll go back to my original thought.  I have spent the last 72 hours aching for a happier “me”.  What I have come to realize is that I am now, at this age, discovering and cementing a part of my belief system that many began forming in their twenties.  The struggle with the process is that I’m much more pensive and realistic now than I would have been at, say, 25.  Life and experience has create a hailstorm of doubt, confusion, and frustration that definitely would not have been present had I have taken the leap into political, social, economic, and global issues back then.  My passion would have been pure, but not as based on research and applicability.

Stay tuned for more . . . clearly, I haven’t made any concrete decisions yet.  LOL